“Damn! No liver biscotti at this brunch.”
thanks, PediaDoc from Goshen, CT!
contest closed – ed.

A girl’s pants caught fire on the E train yesterday. This quote killed me:

“She was wearing the strangest pants,” the [booth attendant] said, describing the jeans as similar in appearance to chaps that a cowboy might wear. “What she was wearing, she had to catch on fire,” said the clerk, who declined to give her name.

Reminded me of this, from Safe Men:

Good Stuff Leo: I once sold a woman a pair of exploding slacks.

…

- late night

episode #5: “Tongue Fondue”

“I’m a carnivore dammit! That’s why!”

Camillis Renvall, sockdrawer dot net’s Director of Competitive Intelligence and a Finnish native, burst through the studio door this morning with her pronouncement and made her way to her desk. She had 7 cardinal rules, one of which was “never carry a thought around in your head for more than 3 days.” She spent her subway commutes from the West Village to sockdrawer dot net’s Lower Upper East Side loft office thinking through all her thoughts from 3-days back, and always walked into the office expunging any random remaining thoughts. Sometimes, like she had here, she let one go out loud.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she put her bag down. “I ate at Rage last week.”

“Ahh, first time?” I looked up from Variety. The headline was that MPAA-member studios only made 42 of the 973 theatrically-released pictures last year. The Sock Drawer benefits from both sides, thankfully.

“I can’t sleep now. I don’t know if I did the right thing.”

Another of Camillis’s cardinal rules was “never do you eat your own kind,” but those types of tenets became harder to live by as a number of New York restaurants began using stem cells to grow rare delicacies after the ban was lifted in 2012. Most were playing it “non-can,” sticking to home-made foie gras, truffles and sweetbreads. Almost 35% of tri-state area restaurants grew animal parts on their menus from scratch in 2015.

(more…)

Lobsters frozen at 40-degrees below zero re-animate when thawed right. This means lobsters can be frozen, shipped anywhere, and then re-sold as live (at live market rates!) when they come back to life.

In related news, Captain Kidd Fish ‘n Chips plans first CryoLobsterFest(tm) promotion this Summer.

HAROLD Hamilton, come over here. What is that you’ve got on?
BRAD This is how I dress all the time.
HAROLD But you took off your Captain Kidd uniform.
BRAD I thought I’d take it off for the drive over to IBM. It’s kind of uncomfortable.
HAROLD Come on, Hamilton! You’re going over there to represent Captain Kidd Fish ‘n Chips. We have stores all over Southern California. Part of our image, part of our appeal is in our uniforms. You know that!
BRAD You really want me to put all this stuff back on?
HAROLD Yes. I think so. Show some pride, Hamilton.

- noon

sockdrawer recommends the double-double, animal style

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episode #1: “Resolved”

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Font changeover to Courier, which was supposed to be the sockdrawer “launch font,” but integration has been slow. Sebastien Krause, our Alsatian (the used-to-be-German part of France) art director hated Courier and refused to follow the sockdrawer dot net style guide, written by sockdrawer’s chief designer, Dirk Bogart. Sebastien confronted Dirk yesterday and I overheard a terribly heated argument through one of the 2 cubicle walls I share with Dirk (we share 2, because, as the “Principal,” I have an L-shaped, senior manager cube).

“Times Noo Roman,” he slapped Dirk’s desk with an open palm, “eez ze font of confidence. People zey always believe vhat you say in zat font.”

“C’mon, Krause! What about Monotype Corsiva, huh? Am I confident now?!”

“You sink you know ze pain of ze art director. You vill pay.”

“With pleasure, Sebastien. With pleasure.”

Sebastien’s “p” in “pay” was really wet. Dirk had spun and risen from his desk and leaned in close enough to feel Sebastien’s cobra-spittle during his venomous reply. He was cooly wiping it off his cheek with his lcd montitor shammy and staring down Sebastien when I popped my head over the cubicle wall.

The way Sebastien sounds German and French all at once didn’t scare me like I know it scared Dirk, even in Times New Roman font. “Both cultures elevate the accordion in their folk music,” is what I told Dirk later to calm him down.

We’re officially in the Courier-font era. Don’t know how long it will last.

- :^D, 6:25pm

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just like you