Synthetichef need not follow landmark neighborhood signage rules. Because, you know, he’s all about “progress.”

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She doesn’t need you or me.

Well, maybe just you and me. That would be ok.

We’ve always had to fight her to live. Environmentalism is not 100% about saving the planet from our wicked ways. It is also about preserving certain ways of life. Certain perspectives on things. Making sure certain skills stay relevant.

Ways of life can decay, too, if left unshielded from the elements. Much can be lost in just one generation. One iteration; one update, can wipe out an entire legacy.

So humans need preserving. But you can’t just rub us in salt and expect us not to spoil. Clothing and air-conditioning and tummy-tucks, in a way, are preservatives. And we factory farm ourselves to generate high yields.

Reproduction by any other name is a delicate manufacturing process with an aqueous assembly line. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Water, you need mostly, though, to get anything done.

We are not spontaneous sexxers like coral or impersonal ratatatters like ants. We humans can make Yellowcake and Yellow #4 by the ton, but cannot seed ourselves or leave our eggs at the B71x bus stop for a passerby to knock up. We have a small window in which to live in this world, even without comforts and Housewives.

The Earth knows this.

She sees “The Big Fat “I” and “My Hummer And Me” on the bestseller lists. Make them selfish enough, she calculates, and they’ll extinguish themselves…

A toxic earth, i.e. – one that cannot support us, still functions. Still goes on. So who really needs the save, Simon?

If energy never ran out, would there be no war? Then again, if we never wanted for power, would we run out of fresh water and fish slower or faster?

Is it worth more if oil is limited or limitless?

Hey, man, that’s my stash. So, uncool.

Oil. Squished fish and depressed dinosaurs?

Adverbally, though, is anyone really upset that dinosaurs are extinct? They are really tough to zoo. And deer eating the tomatoes are one thing. But would you rather a T-rex eating your entire spinach crop as a side dish to your juicy raw thigh?

T-Rexes preferred dark meat. Thighs, especially. Since a meal was usually in flight mode just before being prepared, the thighs were especially full of juice.

Then again, if dinosaures happened to have lived now, Brontosaurus fucking would have been perfect programming for any channel in the Discovery empire, or a wonderful safari destination package extra. Feel the ground shake under a jeep while parked on an amazonian bluff, as you witness two 8000lb truckosaurs crashing hips and flattening trees in reptilavian ecstasy.

In 200,000 years, New York City will either be under 2 miles of ice or 1000 feet of water – depending on what we do. Now.

God, I hope it’s ice, man.

Then, in 300,000 years, as the glacier recedes (like it’s done a few times), a melting midtown ice sheet will reveal “Manhattan Man,” with his right thumb still frozen to his crackberry, wearing his perfectly preserved Cavalli leathers. Our highly advanced distant progeny will then put him on display in the Homo Erectuseum right next to Lucy with her stone tipped spear and that kid from Pompeii frozen in ash.

“I so want the SapienHead holographic upgrade,” they’ll think to each other via iMind™, “All Sapiens did was screw each other.”

markdown, brooklyn, 9:51pm

your tax is what it costs you to make your money.

Shut up. you smarting again.

No no, think about it. You get a “refund.”

Yeah, yeah, refund, yeah.

It’s called a tax “return.”

Uhuh huh return uh huh.

And when you ‘return’ something for a “refund,” generally,
you bought that thing and want your money back.

Sure do. Those a%$%hats and their effin machines!

Good now stay with me, Joonsy. In returning your taxes, what did you buy?

you money! you money!

Yes, yes. Spots on! That’s right. Your money. Your income.

so no pay tax. buy income!

Now who’s smarting, huh Joonsy?! That’s right!
You don’t pay your tax. You buy your income.

so more you pay more make-money you buy?

Spots on, Joonsy. Spots.

I could not record today.
My studio is not soundproof enough sometimes for a city daytime
Contractors hired by an aspirational Brooklyn property developer
are down the block stamping underpinnings
for a cantilevered condo
That will be 4 times the size of the
60 year old 2 family that the developer
Demolished a month ago

On the opposite side of my apartment from the recording studio
The back of a post office is across the street
The carriers often shout at each other
In the loading dock
While jumping up and down on postal truck roofs
One of them, a man with a bird voice, likes to sing
Arias from Norma
As a mechanical gate opens and closes to let the trucks
In and out, he gives
the gate a mournful movement

Night brings its own challenges
The Bingo Hall on 5th Avenue allows its patrons
Access to its rear alley, which shares
The north side of my Condo complex
The alleyway is the de facto smoking lounge
Where winners coming out to smoke
Make on-a-lucky-streak noise
The ones on a losing tail fall off towards the streetside of the
Alleyway and smoke in silence
As passing headlights echo through
The flickering alleyway’s security gate

Tomorrow I’m going to mail packages
That have been sitting on my dining room table since before last holiday
I look at the gifts meant to be given,
Gifts that people have no idea they are going to receive
I’ve created a purgatory
Between loneliness and not loneliness
But to me these gifts have become
When your partner isn’t talking, the soft rustle of a paper
Or a sweater against a sofa…
Things that mean everything that you don’t notice
If you’re not standing still
Or trying to record

—–Original Message—–
From: Starrman [mailto:[redacted]]
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 10:13 AM
To: Reflector, Westy
Subject: absinthe ..

what up Wes-T.

I hear you are our resident expert on absinthe. I also hear that it was just legalized.
Can you recommend a good real bottle that I could easily pick up here in the city? I’m dying to try this stuff .. I have tried the artificial green licorice variety last time I was in greece and was underwhelmed. Is there anything available with real wormwood .. actually hallucinogenic?

thanks,
starr

—–Original Message—–
From: Westy Reflector [mailto:[redacted]]
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 2:08 PM
To: ‘Starrman’
Subject: RE: absinthe ..

Starrman –

How’s the eyeball business? Sorry I missed you the other week. I trust Tull was excellent.

I spent 1 night in London in the late 90s drinking the The Green Fairy with a few friends and by the end of the night we had all made up new names for ourselves and I woke up in someone else’s shirt. Since then, I’ve been obsessed. (more…)